Colds are awesome. No really. The lead up to the cold is actually worse because it's like being locked into the roller coaster and at the top, ready to drop; you know it's only going to proceed one way but still you try, to no avail, to hold it back. But once it really kicks in then you can have fun with it, and here's why...
Easy to Detect
When you're coughing, sneezing, nose is running, eyes are watering and you moan with every move there is no question that you are ill. There is no faking the common cold, it stands out in a blaze of glory. Now this fact doesn't necessarily mean you'll be afforded more sympathy than for a more subdued illness that ranks as serious but it gives you a bit of a free pass when it comes to being whiny.
You Get Personal Space
No matter how hot and popular you are, when you are obviously in the throes of a cold no one's gonna get near you. The beauty of that fact is that you can stay home in your jammies all day and no one will be the wiser for it. Even your best friends will only leave you soup at your door. They aren't going to actually come in to your lair of lozenges so you can watch cheesy movies or tearjerkers (what, you think crying will make you look worse?) And if you don't lounge on your couch all day reading a romance novel then you're just un-American.
Taking a Nap is Acceptable and Encouraged
When you tell someone you've got a cold what's the first thing they say? Yep, get plenty of rest. This handy bugger of an illness forces you to shut down the Type A superhero and instead revert to a 3rd grader with a blankey. Sadly actually getting out and walking is good for you too but maybe you can just start coughing over that part when well-wishers start in on that line of thinking.
Cool Swag
Every day it seems there's a newer and better everything when it comes to dealing with a cold. Remember when tissues with lotion hit the market? Wh-what?!! And then you tried them and blessed them with every sneeze. Of course it took some doing to remember not to clean your glasses with them but you've got a cold, remember? You can't be expected to be in top form.
In addition to pills, fizzy tablets, syrups and salves you've got goodness knows what else to help you sleep, wake up, breathe and cough productively – or not at all.
All Diets Are Off
Nothing tastes good during a cold, especially not that rabbit food you eat throughout the week to keep your weight down. So when you're in full cold mode and something sounds good? Eat it. Sadly that sometimes includes ice cream and milk chocolate and all other manner of things that won't help matters - but you have a cold, and you will have a cold until you don't have a cold. We can send people to the Moon but we haven't figured this one out yet.
Editing Machine Shuts Down
Yep, see you can talk about conspiracy theories and other taboo subjects when you're sniffling because it's obvious you're ill and you're doubtless on meds.
Don't colds rock?
About the author: Written by a sniffly Emily Rankin. Cold meds make you let your insurance lapse? Look here: www.carinsurance.org.uk
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